~you stabbed me, but you couldn't kill me~

Updated: Jan 18, 2019

Dear You,


Congratulations! You successfully broke into my heart, stole all the trust and love that was kept safe, and burned every last ounce of it. All that’s left is the vast space that once was warm, but now contains the unsettling chill of emptiness. Spiders have made a home out of the once clean vault. My heart used to house compassion, hope, and pinky-promises. It dreamt of comfortable silences whilst sipping peppermint tea on the front porch swing. Of constant support, even when we dreamt of a life of happiness and poverty over money and despair.


Oh, but it is my own fault. Fool me once; shame on you. Fool me more times than there are stars in the infinite sky; shame on me. Of course, it is I to blame for wanting so badly to trust you when you were only playing your devilish games. Of course, it is my fault that I tried to see sunlight in your black soul. Why am I to blame when it is you who did not have to play me. Do I not have “C-H-E-S-S” written on my forehead? Am I only a game of “Clue?” But I, clearly, did not get the memo or am just a poor detective. My spirit remains in this cruel world to haunt you. To warn your future ghosts that it was you who strangled me with empty promises and false hope until I lay without a heartbeat on the floor of the billiards room, for I was just another game.


But thank you, really. You opened up my eyes. I now can see my worth a little more clearly. I’m starting to see the diamond that I have turned into after all the massive pressure you have put me under. I do not need, nor want, to chase you anymore. I am to be waited on hand and foot. If you cannot show me the effort I once showed you, then I will not go to you anymore. I will only match your effort that you give, but I will give it better. If you give me empty promises, I will give you empty stares. If you whisper about the past that occurred only in your mind, I will whisper the truth about your lies. You want to play me like a piano? I shall perform “Pathetique” in your honor. You want to ignore me? Consider me erased from your past, present, and future.


However, for the next man that comes along, I shall start anew. I will not let my distrust in you be given to another, for he does not deserve such negativity. He deserves a chance to prove himself honest and worthy of my soul. I would say of my heart, but I cannot give something that no longer exists. You will always be the holder of the ashes that once held more meaning than the ocean does life. Keep the remains safe in a jar, and label it “The heart of the one stars fall for.” I must say, it was a pleasure dying from your hand, although I wish you murdered me better. Somehow, I keep healing into a stronger entity, for the last time you stabbed me, it almost did not hurt.


Try to kill with passion next time.


From,

Me

©2018 by Amanda Lorraine.