©2018 by Amanda Lorraine.

~a moment without you is a moment that is dead~

Dear You,


Have you ever noticed that the sum of every past moment in one’s life has led to this particular moment? If any of those moments had been different or happened three seconds later, all the moments after would have been completely different making this present moment nonexistent. If my past moments had been different, and I met the me I am from the sum of those moments, she and I would be strangers. For this, I am thankful.


I rejoice for this moment and all behind me for I have at last not fallen, but jumped with a running start off a cliff and landed in an ocean of joy, romance, and companionship. The God that whispers in the breeze and is alive in the gardens carefully articulated the plans for my life and the ones around me leading up to this love. I have never really believed in soulmates or even the overly dramatic romanticization of infatuation that possesses naive and gullible characters in books and movies. It is all make believe. I did not believe in Prince Charming, falling for the quarterback of the football team, or simply sacrificing alone time to spend every waking minute with the same person day after day. It is all so superficial to me. I pitied those holding hands and saying that dreadful “L” word so loosely. Now, I pity that judgmental person I once was.


I was happy alone. I cannot lie. I dreamt of a life for myself made by myself in a house I got all to myself. I had all I needed. That, I believe, is what makes my current affair so much more meaningful. He is not someone I need or a solution to my problems. He is my friend, my confidante, my number one fan, and my peace. His eyes melt me in a way that allows me to drift into those two precious oceans where time ceases to exist and I feel the weightlessness of eternity. His embrace is my safety. He is not a wall or a barrier against evil, yet the devil is afraid to approach him. The light of the Lord radiates through him even amidst his doubts and seldom prayerful hours.


I have only ever been overwhelmed with emotion a few times in my life. I will shed a tear at the loss of a life only for a moment before I rejoice for their victory. I have been flooded with the Spirit and walked on the ocean of my own tears with Him. Lastly, I have felt love so far deep in my soul, in a part that I did not know was there. I realized a commitment that I am not obligated to make and is effortless to say the least. I did not believe in forever but now I feel it when he holds me during the thunderstorms. I see it when I stand there admiring such a masterpiece that I could not have dreamt up. I am always excited for our moments.


I have decided to give up the singular pronouns I, me, and mine indefinitely. From now on, everything is ours. Every moment contains us. Everything he does or I do, we do. I am so excited for our life. For our love. For our future and our present. I praise God for all our past moments leading to our, what seemed consequential, introduction. I know now everything happened intentionally. Every superficial fling prior prepared me for this authentic love.


I could ramble for ages to strangers about us and what he means to me, but I try to spare them for I do not want to make them green in the heart.


I always thought love was a conscious decision, and in some ways it is. In most ways, however, it is simple. It is the universe saying “We made a home in this person for you and in you for him.” I have never been enthusiastic about going to my house, but now I race to come home to a warm heart.


Love,

Me