~i was young and naive when i wrote this~

Dear You,

I don’t care if she’s in your life right now. I don’t care that she’s trying to figure out her feelings for you. I want you. All of you. Without a doubt. I want to be the one who gets to fall into dreams with you. I want to hold your precious face in my hands as your lips remind me that I belong to you. I want those lame movie marathons, walks in the park, talks on the swing-set. I want you to take my heart and cover it with kerosene. All you’d have to do is take a step towards it and my heart will burst into flames. Whisper your promises of a day in white, with flowers on the floor. Let’s name the dogs we’ll have one day. I want to be the silhouette you see in your dreams. I want to make secrets with you, trades with the Devil with you, sing with the angels with you.

I can’t sit here knowing that she is wanting you. She doesn’t want you in the same way I do. She wants you with conditions. Make her happy, then she’ll stay. Darling, you make me miserable every single day, but I am ready to win wars for you. I’ll bring a rose for you. God! What I’d give to see your face right now! To look you in the eye and tell you I want you all to myself. I want all your secrets, your stormy days, your celebrations, your self-hate. I want all your cliche memories of dancing in a parking lot, sipping hot chocolate by the fireplace, making a pillow fort that nobody else knows the secret password to. I want your arguments, your desert love. I want to swim in your past and run into your future. I want to brag about our love that shines so intensely, all the stars weep in jealousy.

Every time I see you with her, my heart cries a little bit knowing you probably wake up thinking about her. And no matter how badly I want to scream, “Choose me!” I just smile and say, “I’m happy for you.” If being with her makes you appreciate every sunrise, then I’ll lie to us so you don’t have to.



©2018 by Amanda Lorraine.